This screen tapping desk jockey from the Holy Continuum Exchange gave a long stare as my husband-brother and I stood in all of our overpowered glory. “This won’t do,” he said, using one of his eight appendages to pull a floating screen closer to him and tapped a sequence of symbols. His desk blipped out and a new area expanded around us. We were now within some kind of virtual office space with white lines outlining the walls. It was your usual small office layout of an Absolute God at his workplace with a book case, a desk and two chairs. It seemed he made the space a bit too large for us, as we floated up and sat next to one another within one of them. I couldn’t help but hold Maxel close and feed off his ambient energy.
“There,” said the rep. “I forgot you people depended on your mortal senses to communicate.”
“The chair’s kind of like a daybed.” Maxel said.
“Well, I had to take into account your expansive nature. We still have our customer service reputation to uphold.”
“Yes, much appreciated,” I said. “Now, what is this about us being too powerful? Aren’t you absolute gods supposed to be the absolute in these sort of things? Erm… sorry, I never got your name.”
“Nativo, Customer Service Specialist.” he replied. “According to my memos, you folks are giving people up here a hard time.” He lifted his glasses off his face and wiped them with a cloth, “Mortals with too much raw power.”
“Too much power? But I feel great! I feel like I can give more. Much more,” said Maxel, smiling toothily and chuckled.
“Relax Mr. Obercosm, please?” Nativo said. “The amount of power you two are giving off is beginning to strain your creation container.”
“And, just how powerful are we to make you so concerned?” I asked.
“Each of you right now, have at least the mass and power of an eleventh dimensional person while in your 3D forms.” he replied. “Maybe twelfth if you were fully decompressed, but I doubt it. I don’t think you have enough mass.” He carefully placed the glasses on his desk and leaned towards us. “If I let you two continue at this rate, you will burst it apart and risk damaging other creations.”
Three digital window displays popped up in front of him, “Warn”, “Kick” and “Banish.” He tapped the “Warn” panel and a red document appeared in front of us. “Mr and Mrs Obercosm, I know you generate plenty of infinite powers, but you don’t have to overdo it like this. Lower your creative power use or face banishment. This is your only warning.”
“C’mon buddy! Why limit creativity?” Maxel barked. “How about this, you say we’re too powerful right? How’s abouts we fill you guys out a bit? Make you look more Mynned and Maxxed! What do you say? We got plenty of power to spare! Hah!” my unruly of a husband-brother asked.
The rep raised an eyebrow, “You’re not suggesting a power bribe are you? That would be a clear violation of our acceptable use policy which can result in–”
“No! No!” I interjected. “Sorry, my lovely husband-brother can sometimes take random ideas and dial them to thirteen thousand. But even so, sometimes, we do lose control. What would we do in such an emergency?”
“If somehow you’re about to burst out of your creation, get out of your creation and outside our facilities in the twelfth dimension using your container’s bridge exit. Then, go out into the void. After blowing up, you can move that creative matter into your creation container yourself if you wanted to.”
“Scoop up all of that mass? Do you have any idea how much more of us we would make alone from our self-destruction?”
“Our creation services are available to help,” Nativo said. “You will find them very reliable, for a price of course.”
“Of course,” I repeated with gritted teeth. “No, thank you dear.”
“Give us a call if you change your mind. We might throw in some wardrobe to prevent certain clothing… malfunctions for people of your stature.”
He leaned forward and leered at us. As he did, I let slip more mass into my bosom and they surged forward making him flinch. Yes, just try to keep your eyes down there you self-serving patronizing perv!
He blinked and cleared his throat before a pair of business cards appeared. “We’re open all the time for all eternity across all timelines ready to serve you,” He bowed and gave us a wave. “Until then, thank you for being part of the Holy Continuum Exchange.”
Nativo nodded and waved before pressing another button on his screen and the entire virtual office disappeared leaving us floating in space again.
I turned to my husband-brother, “Doesn’t your guide tell you how we can create things without a big bang? Perhaps the DEUS know?”
The D.E.U.S. or Divine Engine of Unlimited Search was always the search app of choice for us. That’s was how we found a guide to creating a multiverse.
Maxel reached for his phone in his pocket dimension and tapped on it, then shook his head. “It says that Earth was created when other bodies slammed into each other. Maybe if we smashed the same way?”
“Worth a shot.”
We flew to a nearby solar system and I lifted a desolate rock, something like a giant moon. I carried the multi-thousand mile wide ball over my head within a gravity field tethered to my hand. It shuddered and cracks appeared on its surface as it transversed.
“Are you all set Mynn?” Maxel called out. He had a whopper of a planet that must have been at least ten, maybe twenty thousand miles in diameter. A little over twice his height.
“So I just throw and let it smash dear?” I asked.
“That’s what the guide says. Smash!”
It only took a simple flick of my wrist to launch the moon towards the gas giant. It pressed into the planet’s atmosphere and swallowed it whole. A flash came from within, then a rumble. Maxel had his hand out to keep it still as it burped out some rubble which flew out from the other side. I hovered in close to take a look at the result and found it still looked the same as before. I snorted, causing some of its atmosphere to be blown off. I grabbed another planet, one that was closer to the Sun and had a bit of heat on it. It too crumbled as I pulled it out of its orbit with the star then threw it. Another shockwave erupted from the planet, but it still didn’t look all that different.
“It’s not working!” I snapped. “Isn’t there a recipe that tells you how to make a bloody planet?”
“DEUS said that the core has to be made from Iron and Nickel, and its crispy crust has Calcium, Sodium and Potassium. Wow, I didn’t know planets had that much salt. Wonder if it has muscles, feed it with some protein shakes. Hah!”
I facepalmed, duh! As the largest consumer of planets, universes and other cosmic bodies I had the sophistication and palette for the most scrumptious of planets. Obviously we took the wrong approach and should have been building planets based on taste. I warped through space to round up the tastiest morsels in this solar system. First, I collected a golden planet with a fluffy white layer that smelled like vanilla cake, with a hint of cinnamon. The second planet I took was an M-class where I could hear the beginnings of life and the establishment of the food chain. Indeed, the spice of life can add to the variety the meal quite well! Next, was a berry shaped planet with color that was off-pink. It reminded me of pale strawberries that I saw when I was on 9F3A’s Earth-81702, but it didn’t smell like one. It smelled more like smoked beef. Lastly, I took another habitable planet that had several volcanoes on its surface. I figured a bit of hot sauce would exemplify the sweet and spicy flavor that I was looking for. I held these planets each within its own gravity field so they wouldn’t interfere with each other and kept stable while I warped back. In spite of those efforts, they still crumbled.
“Cooking up a planet with planets?” asked Maxel.
I licked my lips and hissed. “Yes! It’s dinner time!”
“But I thought you wanted to make a stronger planet.”
“That’s what I meant you moronic mongrel! Now, watch me make a new planet!” I raised my arms and pressed my hands together. The four planets floated towards each other and collided, each suddenly brightening with light and heat. After the fused planet’s glow cooled enough, we saw the result, a larger planet with red cracks surrounding it. It smelled delicious but looked utterly disgusting.
“This was supposed to be paradise!” I growled.
“It doesn’t have water or air, but it has a lot of fire. It’s sweet and hot! HAH!” Maxel joked.
I slapped the idiot on his head. “Enough jokes Maxx! What the hell is wrong here? I thought colliding planets made it stronger and more beautiful!”
Maxel shrugged and leaned forward, sniffing my creation. He huffed and puffed and sneezed. My newly created planet along with several others were blown away in a cloud of flakes and crumbles in front of our eyes.
“GRRRAH! These puny planets are about as dense as a little piggy’s home! Is anything dense enough?” I roared.
“I’m dense enough aren’t I?”
“When you’re big, you’re even more so, idiot.”
I tilted my head in confusion. He utterly flies off the handle a lot when he’s in his big form, but this jarred me. “What do you mean?”
“Massive right? So…” I saw him take a relaxing breath and noticed his body tightening up again, then I felt something radiate from him. Indeed, he was more attractive than a god, down to the ridges of furry leg muscle, to his sculpted eight pack and his massive shoulders and pecs. I felt myself floating closer to my massive monstrosity of a husband-brother with heat flushing through my cheeks. I resisted and found I had to use a good amount of force to keep away from him. What was he doing? As his arms curled up and bulged, I could feel a presence around us and things seemed to brighten. The next thing I knew, what used to be dark space around us, became hordes of stars, planets, quasars and comets that lit up space with radiant sparkles as they floated closer to us. I now saw where Maxel was going with this and it made sense. Being so massive made us attractive in more ways than just being sexy. Manipulating how much mass we exposed allowed us to be as attractive or repulsive as we pleased and it was clear that Maxel wanted to be the most attractive thing in this creation. As a black hole formed around my husband-brother’s body, space, light and time curved and pulled in. Only I was massive and powerful enough to resist being sucked into him. Seeing him command an audience like this made me jealous. I hungered for that attention and wanted to eat it all up for myself! I let my mass fully express itself and another black hole formed around my body as I raised my arms and brushed my hands through my hair. Leaning back, I thrust my bosom and shimmied my hips towards the approaching cosmic audience. My body brushed by Maxel’s tail and our butts collided with a boom that shook the entire dimension. Nearby planets exploded from the sheer force of the collision while other bodies in the background groaned trying to weather the force from our brief contact.
“Mmm… have to be careful when we bump bums like that Darling,” I said, caressing his tush. It sent a shudder through me that made it hard to resist eating that rump along with keeping my body contained as it engorged itself with more mass. I soon found myself matching Maxel’s height again.
“Look Mynn! They’re all watching us now!” Maxel laughed and turned at me grinning. “Should we give them a performance?”
I grinned and licked my lips, “Absolutely Darling, we simply must give them the biggest show in all of creation!”